The Mirror in the Dictionary

 

I hope you read this and it makes you feel special.

It’s true that none of us ever asked to be here. We had no choice, no opinion, and no input; but do you know just how crazy it is that you’re alive reading this right now? Well, I looked it up quick because I thought it was important to remind you just how much of a miracle you are.

The probability of that exact sperm that had half your name on it, meeting that exact egg with the other half of your name on it; is about 1 in 400 quadrillion. That big number is just the probability of making exactly you. Your parents had to be exactly them, and your grandparents exactly them, and so on, for you to be exactly you. If just once the wrong sperm met the wrong egg – since basically the beginning of time – you would not be reading this, or you would be reading this as someone else.

Here are some numbers:
The number of atoms making up the earth is about 10^50.
The number of atoms in the known universe is estimated at 10^80.
The probability that YOU are here in existence is about 1 in 10^2,685,000.

This number is unfathomable. You being here is beyond a miracle. This number should make Merriam-Webster Dictionary place a small little mirror in all of their dictionaries next to the definition of the word “Lucky”. The odds of YOU being here are practically zero.

But you are – and although you never asked to be here, you are privileged to be – and it would be a shame to take that for granted.

You were very, very close to being someone else, or no one at all; and the fact that so many things had to play out the way they did since the beginning of time to make you, you; well that’s something that should make you feel very special, and give you much pride in being you.

The take-away:

Don’t take your life for granted, even when you’re down.  There are others out there that have much more to complain about, just be grateful for what you have.  Stop and think what this is all about – and just how short life actually is.  Go remind someone how lucky they are, it will hopefully help them with something they are going through, and it will also continue to re-adjust your stance on perspective and gratitude in a positive way.

 

 

Hemmy

p.s. credit to this site where I got some of my info from

What is your 2015 THEME?

You want to make 2015 your best year ever? Allow me steal 2 minutes of your time.

No more goals/resolutions.  For this year, choose one or two words to be your THEMES for 2015. Your theme will dictate nearly every decision you make, what you do with your free time, when you wake up, how you treat others, who you spend your time with, what you do before bed, who’s in your recent call log, what you spend your money on, etc. A theme that shapes your day, every day. This theme will be the lens that you wake up and view your day through. A theme that is your compass in 2015.

For example; my theme is FOCUS. I need to focus my time and energy on things that are significant to me. No more unimportant distractions to steal my time away from things I SHOULD be doing. If someone asks me to do something, to check this out, to go somewhere, and my answer isn’t “Hell Yes!!”, than it’s probably going to be a “No”.

What is your theme for 2015? Love? Productivity? Gratitude? Health? Travel? Family? Money? Knowledge? Hygiene?  Courage? What word or two will be YOUR word this year?

A theme will help you BECOME a new person every single day. This theme will dictate every single decision you make, day by day, for the next 365 days. It’ll be as if this theme is TATTOOED on your forehead so everyone in your life knows you’re on a mission. Choose a theme, let it lead your decision making every single day, and 2015 will be the most impactful year of your life.

Side note: it’s scientifically proven that making something like this public, consciously and subconsciously makes it a deeper personal commitment; so share with someone what your theme is, make it public on social media, or just write it and put it some place where you’ll always see it.  So, what’s your theme this year?!

Happy New Year  🙂

Hemad

 

 

Chase your Cheetah: A Story about the Gazelle Inside You

 

“You just have to trust your own madness” – Clive Barker

The journey of chasing our ridiculous goal is where character is built, stories are written, legends are made, and inspiration ripples touching everyone in its path.

Why we must chase our absolutely crazy, foolishly unattainable goals

The magic lies within the chase.  When you do the work and chase, you become free and enter a completely different world.  When you’re 90 years old and look back at the unique and beautiful story your life has turned into – it’ll all make sense and seem like a masterpiece of art.  But it starts with the chase.  You. must. chase.

Chase Your Cheetah: A Story about the Gazelle Inside You

As a group of young gazelles gathered around, a wise old gazelle shares the story about a forbidden game called, “slap the spot”.  It’s a game that mother gazelles never want their kids to hear.  The forbidden game is simple; slap the spot on a cheetah and live to tell the story.  This is crazy because gazelles don’t chase cheetahs, that’s like a carrot chasing a bunny.  Secondly, the gazelle’s speed is no match to the fastest land animal in the world; that’s like a jelly fish racing a dolphin.   Nevertheless, there was this one gazelle that was never able to get that story out of his mind.  He would sprint every night trying to become faster and faster to become the legend that slapped the spot.  One day him and a group of friends were playing and noticed a cheetah lurking behind the bushes.  “You see that cheetah?” the gazelle said to his friend.  “Yeah I see it, let’s get out of here before he gets too close” his friend suggested.  “Ok let’s go, but tomorrow I’m going to do it – I’m going to slap his spot and live to tell the story” said the gazelle.  “Hahaha!  You’re crazy, keep dreaming buddy” his friend replies.  The next day as the gazelles were eating, the cheetah came lurking back.  Out of nowhere, the young gazelle springs into a full sprint towards the cheetah.  The other gazelles can’t believe it as the cheetah bolts away in confusion.  As the chase pursues, the seasoned and shifty cheetah cuts left then right, taking the gazelle for a ride across the plain, up the hill, through the creek, and down the valley.  To both of their surprise, the gazelle makes ground and finds himself in reach to slap the cheetah’s spot.  Moments before the gazelle leaps to become a legend – the gazelle darts off into a sharp left turn and frees the cheetah from humiliation and surrenders the chance to become the legend he’s always wanted to become.  Why did the gazelle that worked so hard to achieve his ridiculous goal choose another path?  The answer points to the magic that lies within the chase.  As he was chasing the cheetah, he discovered another opportunity, one that for whatever reason compelled his intuition and heart to follow.  During the chase, the gazelle noticed a rabbit being chased by a different cheetah 50 feet away down by the creek. He bolted left and chased the other cheetah away from the rabbit until the rabbit was safe and the cheetah was gone.  He saved the rabbit’s life.  Gazelles couldn’t believe that he had given up his lifelong dream to save a rabbit.  The young gazelle was surprised himself.  He never thought protecting and saving the innocent was so deep and important to him.   He would have never discovered that about himself and his character had he not chased the cheetah.  As the younger gazelles and rabbits gather around to hear the story of the famous chase, he always reminds them to never stop chasing your goals, as ridiculous as they sound.  He is now considered a hero and his legend echoes as the only gazelle that cheetahs fear – an even better title than the legend who slapped the spot.  “Great things await when you follow your dreams” he tells his own children.  The gazelle and rabbit are old now and still very good friends.  They meet by the creek every weekend for grass and water, and reminisce about the good ol’ days.

I wrote this story because it’s ridiculous – because that’s what you have to be – ridiculous.  Your cheetah, or big crazy goal, is a north star guiding you to truth, magic, and discovery of yourself and a world you would have never known existed otherwise.  Trust yourself and trust that life works in a chaotic yet beautiful fashion.  BUT… you must do the hard part of chasing.  Don’t let other gazelles tell you it’s impossible.  Don’t let the cheetahs intimidate you.  Embrace the challenge and slap the spot.

Go chase your cheetah.

H

p.s. Want to know what my ridiculous goal or cheetah is, and how the chase has already changed my life in a crazy way?  Stay tuned for my next post.

image credit

Dos Equis Stay Thirsty Grant – I’M A FINALIST!!

To all my loyal following and readers, to anyone who loves to travel, and anyone who dreams big and goes after what they want; I have some amazing news; I’m officially a finalist for the Dos Equis “Stay Thirsty” Grant and I NEED your help to win!

Out of a bunch of submissions, I’m one of three that has been selected as a finalist for $25,000 to take an epic journey around the world!  Please watch my video, it’s short and entertaining! 🙂 If you like it, please vote for me.   You can vote everyday until May 26th; This is really important to me so thank you in advance for your help!!

Watch My Video Submission and Vote Here!

Please spread the word, by sharing it, tweeting it, and by getting a few of your friends to vote, it would mean a lot to me.  THANK YOU SO MUCH IN ADVANCE, it truly means the world to me.

Sincerely,

Hemad Fadaifar

(image credit)

How Nice is Your Mind’s Butt?

Does your mind have a nice butt?

As health and fitness becomes more popular and more integrated in our lives, so does neglecting the most important muscle we have – our mind.

We all stretch or warm up before we workout, so why don’t we do the same for our minds? Here are a few great ways; read a chapter from CLUE and figure out the murderer (gosh I love that book), write or draw for 10 minutes, examine art, converse about philosophy, play chess or connect 4. You can’t possibly stretch your entire brain in a few minutes but you surely can warm it up before our huge mental workouts called work/relationships/life.

We know our diet is massively important to our performance and health; but how is your mental diet? Do you feed it positive thoughts and healthy conversation? Or do you indulge in gossip, complaining, and naysaying? It’s a decision you have; just like you choose what to order from the menu at a restaurant, you choose how spend your mental time and energy throughout your day.

Although you can’t see the 6-pack or nice butt your mind has, you better believe people will see how “fit” your mind is when you open your mouth. Improve your conversation, clarify your thought process, unleash your creativity, and sharpen your mind by just consciously training and challenging your brain a little bit everyday.

Brains vs. Brawns? Why choose one when you can have both?

10 GREAT Mistakes To Make in Your 20’s

I’m almost out of my 20’s and I’ve learned a few things.  If you’re currently in your 20’s – this post will resonate with you.  If you’re in your 30’s – this post will make you smile.  If you’re in your 40’s – you’ll agree with most of these, and if you’re in your 50’s – you should share this with your kids that are in their 20’s. 

10 GREAT Mistakes To Make in Your 20’s – Great lessons better learned sooner than later.

1.  Date someone that takes you for granted.  You know your own worth, but sometimes people make you question that.  A couple bad relationships and you’ll learn to be much pickier, and live a much happier life with someone who drowns you in the love, attention, and respect you deserve.  Don’t settle for someone that isn’t worth your time; love yourself no matter what and someone will see the same beauty as you do – this is a lesson better learned sooner than later.

2.  Take a job because it pays well.  Great money, fancy title, and nice thick business cards – what more could you want?!  When you realize the salary you make just pays for the alarm clock that wake you up, the nice watch you’re glued to waiting for the day to be over, and the expensive shoes you’re eager to kick off when you get home – then what?  By all means, work hard, put in the time, and pay off your bills; but don’t dread everyday because of it.  Money is great until you start obeying it.  You’ll learn quickly that enjoying the work you do heavily outweighs the money – this is a lesson better learned sooner than later.

3.  Have a pregnancy scare. Trust me, I get it; she’s on the pill and you’re the master at pulling-out.  Fellas, you should treat your d*ck like it’s a Christmas present – do you give gifts to everyone? No. Do you give presents without wrapping them first?  No.  Unless you want your friends to wish you a Happy Father’s Day every year for the rest of your life, I suggest you wrap it up.  Ladies, I don’t care if his d*ck is made out of pure gold, it shoots out loud, needy, crying, and expensive responsibilities that change the whole course of your life, they’re called babies – is that something you want right now?  Babies are amazing, but more so when they’re expected.

One scare should be enough to rearrange some priorities in your life – this is a lesson better learned sooner than later.

4. Start a business with your best friend.  “We are too close to ever let business get in-between our friendship”.  A lot of times it’s true, and businesses thrive while bringing best friends closer together, however; there’s something about money, power, control, and ego that often finds a way to out muscle even the closest bonds; and when it does – take a step back and figure it out, together; friendship and loyalty goes beyond any dollar amount – this is a lesson better learned sooner than later.

5.  Get wasted, sh*t-faced, and blacked-out in public.  It’s nights like these that you never remember and people never forget.  If you’re lucky, your youth can typically be a “get out of jail free card” (figuratively speaking).  The drinking ticket, night in jail, embarrassing stories about you, the reputation of being that guy/girl, or just the hangover itself should give you a hint that it’s not worth it.  We call you amateurs.  Blacking-out and drinking yourself stupid often has a deeper meaning…insecurity, fear, and unhappiness are a couple words that come to mind.  Don’t get me wrong, indulging in more drinks than we should happens to the best of us, however; after a few times you should get the picture, alcohol, like most things are fine in moderation – this is a lesson better learned sooner than later.

6.  Say something stupid or post an embarrassing picture/video of yourself on the internet.  Yeah, good idea; you got a ton of “Likes”.  Problem is, once it’s on the web, it’s there forever.  When your 20’s pass and you’ve grown up significantly – the past can haunt you.  Not saying the twerking video you uploaded will get you fired from your job years down the road, but if it re-surfaces from an anonymous hater in your life, it’s just another thing you have to deal with.  You want attention?  Put of a picture of you helping kids in Africa or a “how to” video of your famous pecan pie.  Be mindful the decisions you make today will help or haunt your future – this is a lesson better learned sooner than later.

7.  Going through that Drug phase.  As South Park has profoundly told you “Drugs are bad, mkay”.  You want to dibble in some stuff because your friends are doing it, because you’re curious or adventurous?  Fine, if your stubborn ass wants to learn the hard way, no one can stop you.  I can’t blame you for lacking in judgement though, we’ve all been there – it just takes some people longer to grow up.  The sooner you wise up and start surrounding yourself around winners, you’ll start craving a new high called life.  The sooner you remove the negative people from your life, the sooner you’ll enjoy the millions of natural highs life has to offer – this is a lesson better learned sooner than later.

8.  Move in with your significant other.  As far as I’m concerned, if you want to break up with your bf or gf, then you should move in together 🙂  Of course some couples grow stronger by moving in, but your 20’s are designed to be the years of freedom, learning, growth, and discovery. Moving in with your current love is often a great mistake to make because you get a crash course on compromise, conflict resolution, and learn more about yourself than ever before. You have the other 70% of your life to live with your hunny-bunny; but for what it’s worth if you go through with it early; communicate often, be truthful, and if you split, split on good terms and don’t burn bridges – this is a lesson better learned sooner than later.

9.  Get out of touch with your family.  It’s easy getting caught up with life; especially in your 20’s.  Life changes so rapidly and it becomes one huge juggling act.  Balancing the important things with the fake important things will be an everyday task – but learning which is which is what your 20’s are all about.  Our plates are overflowing; school, career, social life, personal time, love-life, unforeseen issues, lack of money, keeping true friends, meeting new friends, the rent’s due tomorrow, soul-searching, my fridge is packed with condiments and no food, the quarter-life crises phase, building a good reputation, roommate issues, and the list goes on… AND you’re telling me I have to make some time for family!?  Yes, welcome to the 20’s.  Eventually though, the time will come when you realize just how important family is.  Indeed, they are your rock.  Indeed they will never steer you wrong, nor will they never not love you.  They will keep you grounded through the chaos that is life – this is a lesson better learned sooner than later.

10.  Taking risks and failing.  The wise will tell you, now is the time you are able to take risks.  When you have a family and kids, you have so much to lose.  Now, while you’re young, naive, and filled to the brim with energy – take a chance.  Fall flat on your face.  Get rejected.  Get laughed at.  Push beyond what you think you’re capable of.  Get far out of your comfort zone.  Above all, take action.  Ask her out, tell him you like him, ask for what you want, go with your gut, speak up, stand up, volunteer, go first.  Whatever the result, so be it – but more importantly the action and journey of getting there is a priceless gem.  Failing is OK, and the more you get to know it, the sooner you’ll meet success and happiness – this is a lesson better learned sooner than later.

These aren’t in any particular order, but all valuable mistakes to make young!  Think of any other great mistakes to make during your 20’s and lessons better learned sooner than later?  Share below, we’d love to hear them!

Hemad

(photo credit)

The Most Important See-Saw of Your Life: Ego vs. Soul

A bad day for your ego is a good day for your soul.

What a fantastic quote. Everyone has an ego, Mother Theresa and Ghandi included; and everyone has a soul, Hitler and Mussolini included. One direct factor to your overall success is how well you control your ego. Constantly our egos are being fed by people around us; remember that your ego is selfish monster that doesn’t care about you, it only cares about itself. We could learn a thing from the most talented actors, public speakers, artists, businessmen, and performers in the world; once you remove your ego completely, you then allow yourself to do your best work. You’re there to provide value for the people, for your customers, for the audience, for that very moment – not for your personal agenda. Ego is what brought Scarface to his demise. Ego is the reason why celebrities hit rock bottom, athletes make stupid decisions, companies make awful acquisitions, and politicians get caught up in scandals. Ego is our kryptonite.

Staring at your ego on the other side of the see-saw, is your soul. When your ego takes a devastating blow, can you find the good in it? It’s called “soul searching” for a reason; you have to find it. You have to find the strength to allow an embarrassing moment, a moment of rejection, a moment of failure, and a moment of truth to strengthen your soul. The sooner you’re able to find the good in all situations, the easier it’ll be to get out of unfavorable situations your ego puts you in.

Next time your ego has a bad day, remember that your soul is being strengthened. Next time your ego has a good day, be thankful and remember that people feeding your ego is a result of your work, not the purpose of it.

Hemad

(image credit)

How to Live a Lifetime in Just 30 Days: My Trip to Thailand

Koh Tao, Thailand

I feel like I lived a whole lifetime in just 30 days.

It’s 6am on my last day here in Thailand and I’m sweating my balls off.  I’m naturally a light sleeper but it’s too hot to sleep in this room.  The fan in my hotel room is an underachiever and my AC is too loud to turn on; there is no middle ground.  Nearly 30 full days have flown by on my journey through Thailand and my body and mind have finally caught up to me as I sit here on my balcony writing this.  I physically feel like I just finished the Tough Mudder in a pink tutu up against Bear Grylls and Nitro from American Gladiators in front of an audience of Olympic judges, movie critics, Simon Cowell, journalists for the NY Times and reporters from NBC. I mentally feel like I just played Jeopardy against Albert Einstein and Mark Twain after they took the pill from the movie Limitless, in front of a live audience of beautiful women who are attracted to intelligent men.  My wits, my instincts, and my patience have never been constantly tested for so long, and my comfort zone has never felt so distant. Exhausted, annoyed, and hot, I say to myself – “God damn I love my life.”

In 30 long days, I’ve traveled via ferry, taxi, train, tuk-tuk, motor-bike, long-tail boat, scooter, speed boat, plane, hand-made bamboo-raft, car, bus, elephant, and of course my very own two feet; which I can tell you are by far the most reliable out of this list.

In 30 long days, my eyes have witnessed things scuba-diving off the coast of Koh Tao that are indescribable, my tongue has tasted things that redefine the word “spicy”, my ears have heard noises in the jungles of Chiang Mai that have deprived me of my sleep, my nose has caught whiffs in Bangkok ranging from mouth-watering delicious to brain damaging toxic, and my fingers have never sweated more struggling to grip penny-sized spaces for my life rock-climbing on mountain faces in Railay.  At times I thought Ashton Kutcher was going to pop out and point to each on of my senses and tell them that they’ve all been Punk’d. That’s Thailand for you; it’s a playground for all 5 senses.

I’ve just invested the last 30 days of my life, to improve the next 30 years of my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my life back at home in the States and wake up with great joy each and every morning, but every day is too similar to the one before it.  I’m no philosopher, but what is the meaning of living life without ever feeling alive?  In my book, if you constantly play it safe, avoid risk, and stick to the friendly and familiar, you live an insignificant hollow life just going through the motions.  Mentally and physically you must go beyond your limits, or at least attempt to, otherwise you become just one of a million instead of one in a million.  Do not allow your last 30 days to be just like your next.

How to Live A Lifetime in 30 Days:

Two weeks into my one-month exploration into this unknown land and I felt like I’d already been here for 2 full months.  Every day seemed like two.  Every minute seemed like five.  Every decision I made was more important than the last.  New face after new face, I didn’t recognize the person I just met a minute ago.  Every single moment felt like one huge leap of faith to the next.  Give you my bag? You’re going to take me here?  This is chicken?  This is fresh?  This costs extra?  Is this clean water?  This bus will take me where?  This ferry leaves when?  Just ask for who?  You want me to show up here?  Why do you need my passport?  Do you speak English?  That’s the best price you can give me?  What about them?  What if I don’t want that?  Are you sure?

Everyone gets the benefit of the doubt because you have no other choice.  It’s an anxious, helpless feeling traveling the unknown.  That’s what traveling through Thailand was like at first; a big poker game where everyone at the table speaks Thai besides you, they’ve already “shuffled” the deck before you got there, they know what cards you have, and now you have to play with the hand they’ve dealt you.  You will feel cheated and at a disadvantage until you realize that you didn’t come to win the game, you just came to play.  Meaning once you remove your ego and accept the fact that the locals, the tour guides, the tuk-tuk drivers, and the whole country is out to make a few extra bucks from tourists like you and me, traveling becomes much more fun.  Don’t travel to win, travel to play.

What’s the point of putting on your swimming trunks if you’re just going to put your foot in the water?

If you’re going to travel, then travel.  I did it all in Thailand.  I ate all kinds of Thai food, rode in dangerous tuk-tuks, tried grilled scorpion on a stick in Bangkok, negotiated with street vendors for tank-tops, drank Singha Beer & SangSom Whiskey in large buckets mixed with extra strong Red Bull with the Thai locals (Thailand is one of the only countries that hasn’t banned a syrupy form of Red Bull that’s way stronger), got Thai massages, went to an infamous ping-pong show (crazy), went to temples, rented scooters and explored the islands, ate exotic fruits, rode, fed, and took care of Elephants, visited Koh Phi Phi Island where they taped the movie The Beach, climbed jagged sharp rocks with no rope to cliff-dive 40ft into the Andaman Sea, scuba dived off the coast of Koh Tao (I’m now Open Water Scuba-Dive Certified through SSI), rock-climbed a 100ft face of a mountain in Krabi/Railay, fire jump-roped on Koh Phi Phi island, kayaked through a lush jungle river and explored 2 caves, learned some Thai, taught some English, worked for food, hiked deep into the jungle in Chaing Mai (Northern Thailand) and lived with two different families in their villages for a few days, showered in ice-cold rivers, hiked to and through beautiful waterfalls, visited a Thai elementary school where we played soccer and taught the kids some English, ate food out of bamboo leaves, saw a live Muay Thai kickboxing fight, ate grilled frog, smoked something wrapped in a banana leaf with some villagers, drank coconut water out of a coconut (wow that was delicious), went bamboo-rafting, smoked la-la with a yogi & soon-to-be tantra master, partied at the infamous Jungle Party in Koh Phangan, saw fire shows, ate authentic Pad Thai and Tom Yum, went to the world famous Full Moon Party in Koh Phangan, crossed dangerous bridges in the jungle that had seen better days, saw more lady-boys than I ever want to again in my life, went to monkey island, played frisbee with the locals on the beach of Phuket, played soccer in the rain with people of all ages and from all over the world on the beach of Railay, saw the sunset on a long-tail boat with strangers, ate fresh pineapple and crackers while hearing stories from expert scuba-divers that may have well been pirates, met unforgettable travelers from all faces of the world, and honestly so much more.

I really can’t believe what world I just came from.  I feel like I lived a whole lifetime in just 30 days.  I feel like I just got older and wiser, but somehow I feel younger.  I feel like I just got chewed up and spit out, yet I feel more whole than ever before.  I feel how runners, swimmers, wrestlers, or any athlete feels after finishing an important and intense competition; drained yet revived.  I think it’s a feeling of accomplishment.

I’m pretty sure this is what growth feels like.  I’m pretty sure this is what being alive feels like.

Safe travels,

Hemad

p.s. Pictures from my trip and tips for traveling to Thailand coming soon…

10 Tips to be Comfortable Out of Your Comfort Zone

I’m big on getting out of your comfort zone so I think you should read this.

Imagine you’re a caveman and the fire you build is your comfort zone.  We love being by the fire because it’s nice and warm there, but what about food?  What about shelter?  What about exploration?  What about life!?  You can’t get these things unless you step away from that fire.  You have to step away from your comfort zone to grow, live and learn.  You can always come back to the fire where it’s nice and cozy, but the further you step away, the more you learn about yourself and the world around you.  This is vital to finding Greatness and being awesome.

10 Ways to Be Comfortable With Being Out Of Your Comfort Zone:

1.  Do Something Silly & Foolish:  Do something worth telling someone.  Make a story.  Better yet, invite someone to do it with you.  Go for a run with a cape on, wear a Hello Kitty T-shirt to the bar, grow a mustache, dye your hair for a weekend.  Feel alive again; blush, turn red, get embarrassed, look foolish, and possibly make a few people laugh in the process.  Remind yourself what silly feels like.

2.  Participate in something NEW:  Try a yoga class, painting class, rock climbing session, try a new recipe or making homemade sushi, etc.  With Groupon and Living Social bombarding you with these unique interactive activities to do, call a friend and freaking try one already – put a little spice in your life for crying out loud!

3.  Pick a Fear and Give it a Hug:  Honestly stop being a baby.  It’s simple.  Afraid of heights?  Carefully climb a ladder.  Afraid of public speaking?  Go to a comedy improv show or a stand-up comedy show (you don’t have to perform), just be in the audience; get a feel for in the moment live performances.  Afraid of being judged?  Post a silly picture of you on Facebook.  Don’t suck at life, just do it.

4.  Take a Risk:  I’m not one to gamble much at all and neither should you, but $20 on Red or Black in Roulette at the Casino ONE TIME isn’t going to kill you.  Be comfortable losing though, because you probably will 🙂 (and then don’t gamble ever again because it’s terrible).  Better yet, take a risk by speaking up in a meeting, by inheriting a responsibility that you’re 100% accountable for, etc.  These are risks that won’t kill you if the outcome isn’t ideal.  Most important things are started by taking a chance.

5.  Approach a Stranger:  Not in a creepy way you weirdo!  Get comfortable with interacting with strangers.  Turn your GPS off and ask someone for directions.  Approach that cute girl at the bar; “My friends made me come say hi to you because I told them I thought you were cute, so Hi :), what’s your name?”  It’s ok to get rejected, who gives a sh*t.

6.  Get over yourself:  Get this through your head; no one has the time, energy, or bandwidth to care about you and your life the way you do.  Made a terrible speech? – it’s a big deal to you, but people don’t actually care.  Got pants-ed at a party? – yeah that’s funny but at least you weren’t wearing tighty-whities.  Tripped and fell in front of a bunch of people? you may remember it for weeks, but they’ll forget about it in hours.  Get over yourself; no one thinks about all the little flaws you have, the mess-ups you make, and the embarrassing things you do as much as you do.  What is a 10 on the Richter scale to you in your life, is a 1 to others if it’s even on their radar.  I promise you’re blowing stuff way out of proportion.

7.  Erase Uncertainty:    Everyone wants to know everything.  Well either go find out, or forget about it.  If you’re curious about what’s down the path, go for a walk.  If you wonder what the view looks like from up there, go for a climb.  If you want to know what it tastes like, try it.  If you’re interested in what he thinks about you, ask him.  Stop being a you know what.

8.  Give without Expectation:  It’s weird to give without expecting something in return, unfortunately this is what we’ve been taught.  (That’s why expectation is ridiculous, read about it here). Try volunteering somewhere, write a Thank You letter to someone that deserves one, teach someone something you know well, or give the homeless man a sandwich.  It doesn’t matter what you give, how you give, or whom you give to; just give and carry on.

9.  Travel your Butt off:  This doesn’t mean you have to do what I do and take one-way tickets to exotic places.  You can travel to a close town around you for the day, to a domestic city for the weekend, and of course to another country to bask in a new surrounding and just realize how big this world really is.  Gratitude and Perspective come with traveling, as does being comfortable with being out of your comfort zone. Read my small article on traveling here.

10.  Get physical:  Mentally getting out of your comfort zone is spectacular, but physically pushing your body to it’s limits does wonders for your mind and physic.  Even if you exercise on a regular basis, people plateau because their body gets used to the same thing.  Take a dance lesson, take a group fitness class, try a boxing class, or CrossFit, or Yoga;  wake your body and muscles up to something new and remember being sore the next day is a reminder of growth!

Just like a real fire, the bigger it is, the further you step away from it – same with your comfort zone.  How do you build a huge comfort zone?  By simply taking larger and larger steps away from it.  It’s an active decision you make.  It’s our comfort zone that forbids us to live a life that’s worth living, sharing, and worth talking about.  How much longer will you allow your comfort zone cage you in from this beautiful world?

Share the wealth!   Share this with anyone you think would like these tips and feel free to leave your own tips below!  🙂

Hemad

(photo credit)

Why the Gardener, the Bank, & the Phone Charger are True Leaders

Power is tricky.  Everyone has power, but only a few use it to gain more.  The most skillful Leaders know that you gain power, by giving power.   It’s one of the oldest techniques in the book and the most effective way to create change.  It’s a tool called Empowerment; however, you can’t tactfully empower others without seeing were power stems from.  We first, must view power backwards.

Viewing Power Backwards & Why the Customer is Always Right

Back in the day, power was simply the people at the top telling the people at the bottom what to do; the authoritative, top-down, ‘power through fear’ days are now over.  True power is created from the bottom up.  Real power lies within the people, not the person.  It was the nobles, barons, knights, merchants, farmers, peasants, and serfs that gave the mighty king his power.  After-all, without them; the King ruled no one.

This is exactly why “the customer is always right” and why musicians tirelessly thank their fans.  Without your customers or fans, you have no business, no power, and no one to lead.   It sounds odd, but your followers, employees, customers, members, and subscribers actually hold the power in your relationships with them.  You may “lead” them, but that’s their decision, not yours.  Leadership is a service and a selection process – people have to allow you to lead them.  The people that have chosen you to lead, the ones that listen to you, follow you, open your emails, dine at your restaurants, read your books, buy yours cds, ask you questions, and take your advice – have given you permission to lead them.  You’re a leader because you have been chosen to be.  Viewing power this way – backwards, from the bottom up, from the people to the person – you’ll perhaps see power a bit differently.  It’s easy to lose a follower, an employee, or subscriber – it just means that it wasn’t a good fit for either of you.  You’re not meant to lead everyone, and the moment you try, is when your power diminishes.  Cherish those that have selected you.  It’s them that allow you to do your best work, and allow you to make the biggest impact.  They are the ones that you should empower to take action, because they’re the ones that are already listening.

Empower-trip, not Power-trip

As a leader, empowering your people is one of the most effective tools you can use.  Leadership, like empowerment, is used to take action.  When you instill power in others to achieve things they didn’t know they were capable of – this is the type of leadership that sticks; it uncovers the leader inside of people.  We all have a story or memory of when we did something we were afraid of, or didn’t know we were capable of – all because someone else believed we could do it.  We now take that power and do the same for others.  This is the magic of empowerment, it’s giving power, to create power.

The Gardener, The Bank, & The Phone Charger – Leadership at its Best

The Gardener:  A good leader is like a gardener, and the flowers in his/her garden represent just how good of a gardener he or she is.  Flowers are great, but a flower can’t benefit anyone without the power of water and sunlight.  Like gardeners give water and sunlight to their flowers to blossom, leaders give power to their followers to grow.  When the flowers are powerful, it’s a win for the flower, a win for the gardener, and a win for all that benefit from the garden.

The Bank: A good leader is like a bank; not one of money, but a bank of power.  Banks gain power by loaning money to their customers, and collecting interest.  You, the leader, the bank of power – gain more power by loaning power to your people and in return build interest.  Building interest is similar to building rapport, trust, respect, and/or faith in you as a leader.  When you allow your followers to withdrawal power from you, they deposit more power back into you.  This is how you become the leader they bank on.

The Phone Charger:  A good leader is like a phone charger, and the people they serve are smart phones.  As leaders, we re-charge and power-up our people’s batteries when they are low, equipping them to go out and provide value for others.  They’ll come back, just so long as we continue to give them power.  Like real phone chargers, we are their source of power, and it doesn’t hurt us any for giving it out.

The Gardener, the Bank, and the Phone Charger all give power to gain power.  If you can empower your people to take action, you will ultimately become a more powerful/influential leader.  It’s the biggest form of flattery to get permission to lead and the power to make an impact – be humble that you’ve been selected and inherit the responsibility to lead well.  Remember, giving up power, ironically can give you more power – who would have thought.  

H

(photo credit)

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“It’s Just Time…” said no one EVER: A Post About Time & Money

A short post about why time isn’t money, how money can buy happiness, and why playing Monopoly will make you a happier person.

“It’s just money…” said the wise old man, or Snapple fact.

“It’s just time…” said no one EVER.

Time Isn’t Money

If you’re like me, wasting time is your biggest pet-peeve.  When a friend tells you a terrible story, you ask for your 5 minutes back.  When you’re stuck in traffic or waiting at the doctor’s office, you feel like you’re taking steps backwards. We’re constantly reminded that time is the most important gift we’re given.  “Use your time wisely” seems to be in every other fortune cookie, and our days and lives are determined by the question, “What time is it?”  Let’s get one thing straight – Time is not money.  You can go create a million dollar empire, but you can’t create 5 minutes.  Time is the most valuable currency on the planet because everyone accepts it, and it’s scarce.  You can’t print time, go to a bank and steal time, or find a bag of time on the ground.  How we spend our time determines our life, how we spend our money determines our priorities.

Money Can Buy Happiness

Yes, the lack of money sometimes limits us from doing what we want with our time.  So, in theory, more money will allow us to use our time doing things we love.  Doing things we love, provides happiness – therefore, money can buy happiness (if you spend it on creating better times and doing things you love).  I’m not saying don’t go buy a huge house with an amazing pool, I’m saying if you do, have amazing pool parties with your favorite people.  

Playing Monopoly will Make you a Happier Person

Funny how your true colors come out when you play Monopoly, isn’t it?  The principles you learn from Monopoly are real: money management, risk-taking, greed, wheeling & dealing, and the highs and lows of life.  This game gives you perspective.  It shows you just how much of life you can’t control; 1 roll lands on Free Parking and you’re king of the Jungle – another lands on Park Place with hotels and you hit rock bottom.  Crazy how quickly those orange hundreds come and go, isn’t it? It’s a true testament of how real money is.  Monopoly shows you that you can lose it all at any moment, and that life isn’t “fair” and the money isn’t real.  For the wise, the game  isn’t about bankrupting everyone else, it’s about making the right decisions and playing the best game of Monopoly you possibly can.  It’s about perspective, not properties.  Play Monopoly, it may take you a grueling 4-hour game to remind you that running around in circles trying to get rich, is in many ways a waste of time.  It’ll be one of the best 4-hours you’ll ever spend.

Money comes and goes, time just goes.  Spend your money on doing things you love.  Play Monopoly, gain perspective.

Your thoughts?

Hemad

(photo credit)

Istanbul & The Grand Bazaar: Become A Master Negotiator In One of the Most Breathtaking Cities In The World

A glimpse of The Grand Bazaar

A short/medium length post for all my ambitious travelers and clever business people.  If you welcome adventure, enjoy exploration, live to discover, and love negotiation and striking deals – do yourself a favor and visit one of the most breathtaking cities I just came back from – Istanbul, Turkey.

Istanbul & The Grand Bazaar: Become A Master Negotiator In One of the Most Breathtaking Cities In The World

I just got back from a 2 week trip to Turkey and my goodness, that place chewed me up and spit me out.  Istanbul, Turkey’s capital, is without a doubt one of the most electrifying places in the world.  I’ll put Istanbul’s energy up against any other city on the planet.  Istanbul offers everything.  City views with skyscrapers that poke the clouds, the most magical waterfront views you’ve ever laid eyes on, and strokes of unrivaled historic architecture that sobers you up to the history that’s taken place on the very cobble stone streets your feet stand on.  I was blown away.  The best part, though, was of course the world famous Grand Bazaar.

The Grand Bazaar is an overwhelming place that heightens all 5 senses at once.  Hand-crafted pieces of art with shades of colors you never knew existed, interrupted by the mouth watering whiffs of freshly baked bread and juicy donor kebobs.  The hot sun beats down on you as your ears pick up on dozens of languages that sound like gibberish. You can’t help but to accept the annoying sounds of cars and motorcycles honking to make way through the small cobble stone streets…and of course, the non-stop, accent-heavy voices of the vendors greeting you, and welcoming you to buy something in broken English.  As a tourist, you’re fresh meat in the Bazaar. The hungry vendors and merchants disguised as charming and friendly, are all after that disposable income you’ve brought with you on your travels.  You have two choices once you’ve reached the Grand Bazaar, walk around and people watch from sun up to sun down – or – if you dare, part-take in the theatrical negotiations with the sea of experienced vendors that make a living off people like you and I.

I of course chose to do battle with these vendors through way of negotiations and deal-striking.  I quickly found out that that they had the upper hand.  Not only do they do this for a living, they have the high-energy, hustle and bustle of the Grand Bazaar working on their side.  In that type of environment, you want to buy everything.  Like quicksand, it unexpectedly pulls you in.  Add that to the fact that the US dollar stretches a little further when you exchange it to the Turkish Lira (their currency); it’s a dangerous combination that will turn even the most frugal people into shop-o-holics.  It doesn’t matter which section of the Grand Bazaar you’re in; indoors or outdoors, it’s a wonderful chaotic experience that every person should witness.

The Question You Will Hear Over and Over again from Vendors:

“Where are you from?”

I got asked this question more times than I can count.  If they ask you this question right away, they may just be curious and want to create small talk.  Small talk will lead to charming you and pulling you in to possibly buying something, be careful, they’re good at that!

But more than likely, they ask you this to know who they’re dealing with.  When they learn where you’re from, it’s easier for them to put you in a box, or stereotype you.  After speaking with a few of the vendors over Turkish coffee and sweets (which some will invite you to if they like you and/or if you’re buying stuff), they enlightened me of how they view tourists from around the world.  Here’s how they view a few cultural toursits:

• Americans:  you’re tourists with money to spend, you will love their cheap prices, you’re a little more susceptible to their “charm” and you’re ideal tourists for them.  You’ll be happy if you negotiate an item down from 50 Lira, to 40 Lira.  
• Europeans: I couldn’t quiet put my finger on how they viewed Europeans.  I would assume the Turkish vendors view European tourists with money to spend because the Euro has a great exchange rate with the Lira.
• Asian: you’re tourists with money to spend but are more frugal, you’re used to the cheap prices because half the things the vendors are selling at the Grand Bazaar come from China anyway, and you have a “I can get this stuff back home for cheaper” mentality, you will negotiate more and will want a deal; you’re willing to purchase in bulk to get one.
• Iranian/Russian:  I learned that they view Iranians and Russians fairly similar to how they view themselves. They know you’re less susceptible to their charm and sales tactics.  You’ll want a deal and won’t allow the vendors to make a huge profit off you, you’re not their ideal tourist because it’s time to put the negotiation gloves on!

(Again, this isn’t my opinion, it’s insight based on what some of the vendors were telling me)

3 Quick Negotiation Tips:

Buy More, Save More: When you ask how much something is, remember whatever price they tell you is marked up roughly anywhere from 2-7 times what they paid for it.  A lot of times they will give it to you for half price if you’re willing to buy a couple.  If one item is marked 40 Lira, tell them you’ll buy 3 right now if he’ll do 3 all for 60 Lira.  You may end up paying around 65-75 Lira.

Power of Cash & Persistence: If you want to buy 3 items for 20 Liras, and they say “No, I’m sorry I can’t do that”.  Be persistent and take out the 20 Lira bill.  Tell them, “Listen, I will give you this right now, for these 3 items.”  Damn there put the money in their hand.  “Deal?  “Here, take the money and give me these 3 items so I can go, please, it’s a good deal…”  It’s tough to say no when there’s money in your face.

The Bluff & Quick Close: Buy something early and walk around with a bag in your hand.  Show the vendors that you are a buyer.  Let’s say you’re looking for beautiful hand-made and hand-painted ceramics/bowls, when you see what you want, negotiate and tell the vendors that you’ve seen these same exact items from the vendor down the street and he said he’d give you 2 for 40 Lira.  Many times they won’t believe but many vendors have the exact same stuff, so in the back of their minds they don’t know for fact if you’re bluffing or not.  Tell them you didn’t buy it there because you wanted to see other prices, and that if he offers you the “same deal” as the other guy around the corner, you’ll buy it right now.  If they say, “My quality is better”, it’s usually BS and call him out on it.

*Add these three tips together, and you’ll be a negotiating machine.

Other things I learned about Istanbul:

• Istanbul is extremely clean.
• The people there are hard working people that know how important tourism is to their economy.
• Turkey is way more liberal than other surrounding Middle Eastern countries.
• When at the Grand Bazaar, if you buy in bulk, you will get a way better deal.
• Their food is pretty greasy and their Turkish coffee is strong as hell! 🙂
• I now believe in love at first site because Turkish women are just beautiful.
• Turkey has amazing fresh fruit and delicious sweets.
• Living in Istanbul is pretty expensive.
• There is no other place like Istanbul in the world, it’s so unique, and so rich in culture and history.

Closing thoughts:

Istanbul and I will meet again.  I encourage you to go there if you’ve never had the great fortune to visit such a magnificent city.  You will see the beautiful mosques, the wonderful city and water views, you will see the vendors in the markets and the vendors on the streets all working hard, just as we do back at home.  You will walk out of the Grand Bazaar with an appreciation for the craft of salesmanship, the importance of first impressions, and the art of negotiation.  Above all, you’ll see how other people around the world make a living.  With travel comes perspective, with perspective comes gratitude, and with gratitude comes appreciation.  When you can appreciate things for what they are, you truly do live a higher quality of life.  I’ve learned this first hand.

Make it a point to travel and embrace the reality of how little you know about the world, which will allow you to discover so much more about yourself.

Safe Travels,

Hemad

Pictures from my trip coming soon.

Why We Had it ALL Wrong As Kids & How Your Superpower Could be Your Kryptonite

Remember that question, “If you were a Super Hero, what would your superpower be?”   To fly?  Read minds?  See the future?  Be invisible?

The most popular answer was always, “To Fly!”.  The second most popular answer was always, “to be invisible”.  News Flash: You don’t have to be a superhero to be invisible – chances are, you’re probably already more invisible than you think – that’s not a good thing.

That may sting a little, but it’s true.  Aren’t most of us kind of already invisible?  You have a choice, you’re either; invisible, or influential? If you’re not impacting people’s lives, or at least trying to, then you’ve chosen to be invisible.  Make no mistake, this is a choice.  When you choose to give back, help others, teach, share,  connect – you’ve chosen the life of influence, a life of impact.  A superhero’s life.

Clark Kent = Invisible/Average.  Superman = Influential/Superhero

You don’t have to influence the whole world to earn your cape.  Influence is a domino effect, let it start with you.  You’ll see that impacting someone’s life, even in a small way, is far more fulfilling than getting out of the way and letting “life take it’s course”.  Get in the way. 

Creating change in people’s lives isn’t something you check-off on a To-Do list, it pumps through your veins.  It’s a spirit and an energy that follows you around.

Throughout your day, are you invisible?  Do you blend in with the background?  Or are you that vibrant, burst of Canary Yellow, or that striking, vivicious Strawberry Red on a dull white canvas?

Next time someone asks you, “If you were a Superhero, what would your one superpower be?”  Your response will be, “My superpower would be to fly, and my kryptonite would be to be invisible.”

H

(photo credit)

5 Ways to LOVE Mondays like you LOVE Fridays

“You should love me because I’m giving you the opportunity to start your week off right.  You’re welcome.” – Monday

Mondays are like parking checkers – nobody likes them.  But put yourself in Monday’s shoes, it’s just doing it’s job! 

5 Ways to LOVE Mondays like you LOVE Fridays

#1.  Get your sleep Sunday Night.  Guess what you don’t have control over – the fact that Sunday Night comes before Monday Morning.    Guess what you do have control over – what time you go to sleep Sunday night.  If you know you have to wake up early Monday morning, then go to bed early Sunday night.  Rest has a direct correlation to attitude.  If you hate Mondays, you should hate yourself on Sunday, instead.

#2.  Eat a Good Breakfast Monday Morning.  People 100x smarter than you and me have scientifically proven that breakfast is not only the most important meal of the day, but provides vital energy, helps you make better decisions, helps your body work properly, etc.  More energy, more fuel = a better day.

#3.  Get a NEW JOB.  You have a choice.  No one put a gun to your head and said, “You HAVE to do THIS for a living.”  If you don’t love what you do, stop.  Are you really going to waste your time doing something you hate 5 days a week?  That’s nearly 71% of your life!! You have the choice.  Make some adjustments in your life and do start doing something worth waking up for.

#4.  The Priceless 20-Minutes.  Get your ass up and demand your body to work.  If you spend just 20 minutes every [Monday] morning dedicated to movement, sweating, and a little good discomfort – you will thank yourself later in the day.  20 minutes of exercise is more valuable than 20 extra minutes of sleep.  Click here for some quick and effective morning workouts.

#5.  Pop Your Bubble NOW.  Two words; Perspective and Gratitude.  Your Monday isn’t nearly as bad as 90% of the world’s Mondays.  You have food, water, interaction with people, & freedom of choice throughout the day.  You’re blessed.  Take 10 minutes in the morning and just write down 5 things that you’re grateful for, you will pop your bubble for the day.  As your gratitude increases, your perspective changes, and so does your life – for the better.

If you hate Mondays and desperately await Fridays, something is wrong.  Fridays are great, but if you live for Fridays or the weekend, what kind of life is that?  You “get through” five days just to enjoy two?

It’s not about the beginning, middle, or the end of the week – it’s what you accomplish within each day that will ultimately determine your quality of life.  Doing something you love, getting your rest, bring energized, and being aware of just how blessed you really are will sky rocket your happiness.  And in the process, you’ll help poor old Monday lose it’s bad reputation! 🙂

H

(photo credit)

1 Tweak to Unleash People to do the Incredible: A Leadership Post

This post is for all my Leaders out there. Become a more influential and impactful leader, add this to your arsenal.

As leaders, we are “Fine-Line Thickeners”. What is a fine-line thickener?  It’s someone who “thickens” the “fine-line” between two things that are seemingly opposites, but in some strange way dangerously close to being exactly alike. For example, there’s a fine-line between brilliance and craziness, bravery and foolishness, confidence and cockiness, fishing and standing on a dock looking like an idiot 🙂 – all are examples of having a fine-line; BUT, there’s one fine-line that every leader must first know well, in order to thicken. It’s the fine-line between Expectation and Belief.

Maybe you know the difference between the two, and if so, I’m sure your mother’s proud. But just knowing the difference between Expectation and Belief – is like knowing the cure for cancer and having to explain it to blind scientists via interpretive dance; it doesn’t do any good.  Once you can distinguish the two, you can tactfully lead by belief instead of expectation, and unleash people to do the incredible.

The definitions for Expectation and Belief are very similar – no surprise there. However, there are key words that greatly thickened the fine-line between the two.  Expectation holds hands with words like hope, wish, and wait, while Belief is coupled with words like confidence, faith, and trust. Huge difference – the line’s getting thicker, right?

5 “Line-Thickenning” Differences: Expectation Vs Belief

Expectation instills fear	Belief instills courage
Expectation traps you	Belief frees you
Expectation waits for you to meet a standard	Belief allows you to create your own standard
Expectation relies on hope	Belief relies on trust
Expectation is fuel to do something for someone else	Belief is fuel to do something for yourself

People have achieved some of the world’s greatest accomplishments only because SOMEONE ELSE believed they could do it; not expected them to.  We are human beings that do not give ourselves the benefit of the doubt.  We are afraid to discover our own limits – what if it’s not good enough?  What if we fail? So, we limit ourselves to not fall short, instead of pushing ourselves to see how far we can go.

What could someone accomplish if you told them that you believed in them? More than we will ever know.  We are all capable of achieving greatness, but often people need that little push from leaders like YOU to achieve it.  What are you waiting for?  Encourage and empower someone to accomplish the incredible by telling them that you truly believe they can do it.  It’s remarkable what we can accomplish when others believe in us.

Hemad

Do You “Live A Little” or Do You “Live A Lot”?

How many times have you heard friends say to you, “Oh come on man, Live a little!!”

Every time I pass on dessert, a cookie or some ice cream, I always get hit with, “Oh come on man, live a little.” You know what my response is? “No thanks, I’d rather live a lot.”

Everyone splurges, and of course I surrender to my sweet tooth every now and again; but in general, there’s much more gratification knowing that I can say “no” when temptation is whispering in my ear. Life is about discipline and sacrifice, just as much as it is about enjoying yourself; it’s called Balance.

This, of course doesn’t apply to just desserts, but to all temptations.  Typically, temptations are described with a negative connotation;  dessert, women, gambling, doing something “wrong”, etc. And usually it’s something extremely appealing because it fulfills a short-term satisfaction.  When there’s a beautiful woman whispering sweet nothings into your ear, when there’s a delicious slice of cheesecake giving you “the eye” and licking its lips, when the shiny, oily french fries are fanning its delightful smell your way – it’s freaking hard to say “No”!  So we dive right in to whatever temptation has persuaded us to say “Yes!” and we bask in the lustfulness of it all. Then, the majority of the time after that short-term gratification is over with – we majorly regret it. Right?

My grandfather always tells me, “Everything in moderation”.  You don’t have to be a wise Persian grandparent to know that even too much of a good thing, isn’t necessarily good.

Trust me, I’m all about saying “Yes” and living A LOT, but sometimes you have to say “No” and live even more.  Everything in this world has balance.  You’ll never appreciate the beautiful sunny days if there weren’t those terrible rainy ones.  It takes perspective to really live life to the fullest.  Applying this to your life is significant – witnessing and experiencing the “good” and the “bad” is how gratitude is created.  With gratitude, comes balance.  If you practice discipline in your life and have control over your decisions, that’s wonderful, but listen here: – it’s your responsibility to help others have that same control in their lives.  If you have knowledge, then share it – otherwise it’s no good.  If you have the power to influence, then exercise it – otherwise it’s useless.  People’s reputations and lives go to shit instantly sometimes, based on one regretful decision they’ve made giving into some sort of temptation.  And in other cases, people’s lives uncontrollably get worse as they dig themselves deeper into their hole with every poor decision they make, (like saying “yes” to dessert every time, or giving into the comfort of not exercising.)

If giving into temptation is a habit for you – you lack balance in your life.  If practicing discipline is a habit for you – go lead by example and change the lives of others.  There are people that want to change their habits, they just need a little inspiration.  There’s no cookie-cutter way to say it – Get your ass up and go inspire someone.

So, next time someone tells you to “Have some M&M’s and live a little”, you know what to tell them…”It takes about one lap around a high school track to burn off just one M&M…you wanna go for a run later? I didn’t think so!”

Giving into temptation is exactly that – living a little.  Controlling your own decisions and life is living a lot.  Live a lot and Inspire someone to do the same.

Hemad

(photo credit)

Bravery, Significance, & the “Leadership Smoothie”: A Leadership Post

Everyone assumes a leadership role in their lives.  It’s important to me to share with you what I’ve learned from my experiences.  I’ve led my teams to championships, my business to success, and my life and other people’s lives to healthier, happier and more productive lives. When it comes to leadership, it takes just one person, one decision, to spark a chain reaction that will last forever.  One inspired leader will create a perpetual domino effect of many leaders to come.

Leadership, in large is bravery.  Great leaders take it upon themselves to face uncertainty head on.  They consult with their gut and ask permission from their heart – that’s it.  Leaders don’t allow the fear of failure to ever trump their vision, passion, or goals. In addition to bravery, significant leaders awaken the leader inside of each individual in their group or team.  Leadership is a quality that everyone possesses; it takes a brave leader to extract these qualities out of others.  It takes a brave leader to show us that it’s OK to take initiative, to follow our gut, and to fail.

My philosophy on leadership is simple; Lead others the way you’d want to be led. I’ve created this delicious “leadership smoothie” that I’ve been drinking for years now.  All you need is a blender, an appetite to lead, and the following ingredients; enthusiasm, example, encouragement, empathy, and empowerment.  Sounds refreshing doesn’t it?! 🙂 This well-balanced, all natural leadership recipe is how I’ve had such success in leading people in business, athletics, family, and other sectors in my life.  No matter whom you’re leading, if you lead using one or more of these “ingredients”, you will lead people more effectively.  As kids, we used to “follow the leader”, but in actuality we’ve always followed our hearts.  Significant leaders align the hearts’ of each individual in their group.  This way no one is taking orders and “following the leader”; instead, the group inherits the leader’s vision and goals as their own, and lead themselves to produce remarkable results.  We do in fact lead ourselves; effective leaders show others the path, and have them walk down it on their own.

As the whistle blew to end the first half of the Collegiate Midwest Championship game, my rugby team was down 22 points as we huddle around to regroup.  “We can’t play for each other,” I told them.  “You have to play for yourself.  If you run as fast as you can, hit as hard as you can, play the best level of rugby you’ve ever played and trust that your brother standing next to you will do the same – we will win this game.”  No I didn’t win the “Motivational Speech of the Year” award, nor did I see the headlines “Captain leads team to victory” in next morning’s paper; but we did win that game.  Every person on that team led themselves to victory –they just needed someone with the courage to reframe their mindset and clear their “mental fog “; to empower them to do what they were capable of doing.

To be a leader, means to instill bravery in others.  When you inspire other leaders to lead with significance and purpose, you will spark a chain reaction that will never stop. Leadership is the greatest vehicle for bravery, and bravery is the greatest vehicle for inspiration. Inspiration ignites a flame inside of us to achieve more than we thought possible, this is what leadership is all about.

Hemad

1 Blueprint & 3 Simple Questions to NEVER Letting Fear Win Again

I’ve always been fascination with Fear and how damn powerful it is.  Why do we surrender to fear so often? – And how can we conquer it once and for all? I watched a great TedX presentation on Fear called “Turning Fear into Fuel”, from a guy named Jonathan Fields.  His story is powerful and I would recommend checking it out; click here to see it.

For my fellow entrepreneurs, unsatisfied individuals thinking about quitting their job and pursuing their passion, those flirting with the idea of asking their dream girl out on a date, joining that gym, contacting that client, or any other decision that comes with a potential chance of failure; how long will you allow the fear of failure paralyze you?  The future is unknown, and as humans we aren’t comfortable with uncertainty.  We need to know, we need a plan, we need a routine, we want answers, we want no surprises, and we certainly don’t want our story to unfold in a laissez-fair fashion – we want control of every aspect in our lives.  This is where stepping into the unknown becomes suffocating; the “what if’s” start playing in our heads and often herds us back on our current path – the one more comfortable – the one less desirable.

“Most people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty” – Tim Ferriss

He’s right. Uncertainty is a double edged sword; it creates discomfort which helps us grow, yet invites us to settle for mediocrity.  There are 3 questions to ask yourself when weighing your options – these questions and answers are designed to really illustrate the most probable outcomes, ways to overcome them, and shed light onto true worst-case and best-case scenarios.

 3 Questions to Conquer the Fear of Failure

These questions aren’t uncommon.  They’re the questions Jonathan Fields speaks about in his video; similar to the “3 column exercise” that Tim Ferriss talks about in his life changing, eye opening, must read right freaking now book, “The Four Hour Work Week”.  Think about “that thing” you want to do, but haven’t built the courage to do it yet, now ask yourself;

1. What would happen if I really fail & how would I recover?

Really think about this; What would be the absolute worst thing that could happen to you if you do this “thing” – and fail?  In his presentation, Jonathan points out that many of us create this unrealistic “Doomsday Scenario” for ourselves when we think about failing.  We will lose our job, our kids won’t love us anymore, destroy our marriage, we will get kicked out of our house and be deported to a third world country where we will be tortured for the rest of our lives, etc… This doomsday scenario isn’t real and most of the time so far from the truth.  When laying out the possibilities of what could happen, you need to be very specific and honest with yourself.  “I will quit my job and will no longer receive the $70K/year salary to support my family” is a specific realistic scenario.  Every scenario is always recoverable.   “I will start applying for other jobs where I would be happier, even if that means taking a slight pay cut – my family won’t have the luxury of living the way they used to but I will be happier when I’m with them and less stressed from work”.  The more specific you are with yourself, the more you will be prepared for what may lie ahead. What would happen and how would I recover… Then ask yourself:

2. What if I do nothing?

What if you do nothing and continue to live the life you are living?  This is the true worst-case scenario, but for most people, this is exactly what they do – nothing.  Doing nothing is much worse than doing something and failing?  Like Jonathan mentions, you’re behaviors and lifestyle don’t just stay the same over time, they either increase or decrease.  If you currently eat fast-food 4 days a week, and continued it for the next 5 or 10 years, you won’t stay the same size and be in the same health condition you’re in now, it would get worse.  Same with your fear; if you’re scared and unhappy now, how do you think you’ll feel 5 or 10 years from now?  It will get worse – your regret and fear will snowball.  Write out a specific list of 10-15 things that would happen/stay the same if you did nothing – you’ll notice very quickly that “doing nothing” will lead to your unhappiness now, multiplied by 5 or 10 years.  A scary thought, isn’t it?

The last question to ask yourself;

3.  What if I succeed?

Would you do “that thing” if you were 100% sure that you couldn’t fail?  The answer is yes. Picture yourself as if you’ve already succeeded.  You’ve taken the leap of faith and you’re fears didn’t come true. How do you feel?  What are you doing?  What is your life like?  Aren’t you happy you gave it a shot?  Now what?  Now you start living.  Now you’re an inspiration to others.  Now you’ve achieved Greatness.  You’re now free.  Success is always an option.  We’ve all heard inspirational stories of  millionaires that came to America with just a couple dollars in their pocket, or stories of successful and happy individuals who came up from terrible beginnings, with no advantages, no opportunities, and no luck. What do you think they would tell you?  Probably the same damn thing your heart is telling you.  Do it.

You have a decision to make; either become an inspiration and live life the way you want – or – continue to live your current life of unhappiness.

1 Simple Blueprint to Defeat the Fear of Failure

Similar to the 3 questions above, here is a template of Tim Ferriss’s 3 Column exercise:

Create 3 columns and answer these questions in each:

1. What could go wrong?

2. How to Minimize what could go wrong.

3. How you would recover from it going wrong.

Again, the more specific the scenarios, the clearer the potential outcomes will be, the more prepared you will be.

Last thought:

At my young age of 27, I’ve learned that life works in a very mysterious way.  Somehow, you will get what you deserve.  If you’re moral, grateful, and hard working – you will become a winner. If you’re sincerely aren’t happy with your life right now, and/or have this “thing” that you want to do but just can’t commit – first know that you’re not alone.  Ask yourself the 3 questions and be honest with your answers.  What If I fail and how will I recover? What if I do nothing? And What if I succeed?

If you’re thinking about facing your fears, then you’re in a group with hundreds of thousands of people that are considering facing their fear – in this group, fear is currently winning the race.  If, and when you take the leap of faith and do that thing that will make you come alive, you will right then and there join a very different, and much happier group of us that live life on our own terms – in this group, we’ve lapped Fear and are chasing Greatness.  Join us! 🙂

H

(photo credit)

Two Techniques to Conquer Public Speaking

Much like stripping, Public Speaking is one of the only times where you find yourself the muse by everyone in the entire room.  Do you rank public speaking as your #1 biggest Fear? You mean to tell me you don’t like being judged? – Your every “um”, slip-up, and stumble – showcased and highlighted through an intense microscope.  Who doesn’t love that?! 🙂 At the core, the fear of public speaking is really just the fear of being accepted, isn’t it? – Will my peers accept me?  Will they judge me and think less of me if I do poorly? Although public speaking isn’t always pleasant, I’m shocked it’s most people’s #1 fear.  I would have thought the fear of Death, or the fear of Spiders would have been at the very top of the list.  According to studies, the fear of Death comes in at around #4.  Are people really more afraid of speaking than they are of dying?!

If you’re fearful of public speaking, here are 2 great techniques I’ve learned to really ease the nerves. 

#1. Reframing: “it’s your mind, you tell it what to do”

There is a really great exercise you can do to conquer fear – it’s a technique called Reframing.  In essence, your fears are all in your head.  Reframing is simply manipulating the situation, the environment, and your thoughts to your advantage.  The classic, “You got us into this mess, now you get us out!” quote applies here.  If you allow the fears to seep into your head, you must show them the way out.  Picture the act of public speaking as a big, ugly monster that wants to prevent you from achieving a great speech/presentation.  There you stand face-to-face with this monster.  You have nowhere to run or hide – it’s now time to face your fear…but wait…suddenly it hits you; you realize that this monster was never actually here, you created it.  This fight, this fear – all in your mind.  So what do you do? – You reframe it.  For starters, you make the monster wear a pink tutu, then put a huge cage around the him so he can’t attack you.  Then you turn the ground he’s standing on into quicksand and create a small cloud right above his head that only rains acid rain and sharp glass.  Not so intimidating anymore is he?  Ok you get the point – you create your fears, your monsters, your demons – you can destroy them.

Ways to Reframe Public Speaking

Aside from mentally reframing the situation, a few ways to physically manipulate the situation could be by asking to play a little soft music in the background during your public speaking engagement so it isn’t dead silent in the room when you speak (for some people the silence is what creates most of the tension).  For many, the first 60 seconds is one of the most nerve-wracking parts of public speaking.  Incorporate icebreakers right away to ease your nerves.  You have the control; you can manipulate the situation however you wish.  Ask the audience a question, get them involved, play a funny video clip, ask the audience to introduce themselves to the person their sitting next to, etc. Maybe even adding a little humor in the beginning as an icebreaker could help; “I’m a little nervous as you may be able to tell…could everyone just calm my nerves by giving me a standing ovation right now? – Thanks.”  I’d be willing to bet that people will either indeed give you a standing ovation, or laugh; either way, win-win!  Remember that it’s normal to be little nervous, it means you’re alive and that you care – that’s a good thing!

*A great tip to calm your nerves is to slow your heart rate down by breathing properly.  Take a 4-5 second inhale, and a 4-5 second exhale.  Do this for about 1-2 minutes before you speak, it REALLY helps!  

*Another great tip is to have fun.  95% of the time, the audience is on your side and wants you to do well.  If you’re having a good time, your energy will be contagious.

#2. Deconstructing:

“The secret to getting ahead is getting started.  The secret of getting started is breaking your complex, overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.” – Mark Twain

Another technique used to defeat fear is to simply break it down – this is called Deconstructing.  This is what mathematicians do when trying to figure out enormous equations; they deconstruct them into smaller pieces.  Deconstruct your fears into pieces by changing the way you view them.  When you strip public speaking down to it’s bare bones, it’s really just talking in front of people.  Deconstruct your message/speech/presentation into its main elements (intro, body, conclusion).  All of a sudden, a 15-minute nightmare turns into three, 5-minute sections.  Deconstructing is all a matter of perspective.  Is a mile a whopping 5,280 feet? Or just 4 laps around the track?  All of a sudden “Public Speaking” turns into talking to more than one person instead of presenting in front of an audience. Much easier right?  If applicable, remember to add a Q&A section to the end of your presentation.  This will account for a fairly decent portion of your time which will help make you “present” less and actually interact with the audience more.

If you want more on the topic of preparing for your public speaking engagement,  click here to check out an article dedicated to just that – by one of my favorite author’s Tim.

When it comes to fear, all you have to do is turn the tables on it.  You’re the one injecting steroids into something that isn’t that big of a deal; put the steroids down!  As humans, we tend to immediately imagine the worst-case scenario of a situation that we are fearful of, when in actuality, that moment you’re terrified about won’t matter a couple days/weeks from now.  Besides, being put outside of your comfort zone is what makes you grow – embrace it.  Don’t fear public speaking like you used to, look forward to the challenge with help from reframing the environment and situation, and viewing the challenge as smaller pieces to make it more approachable. Oh, and don’t forget to practice and prepare.  When all else fails, the message is what’s important.  You don’t have to “woo” and “aww” the crowd with your charisma and charm, if you at least know what you’re talking about – you’ll be fine!

Click here to see a toast I gave at my friends rehearsal dinner the night before his wedding.  Let me know what you think! 🙂

H

(photo credit)

Power of Traveling

I have a small challenge I encourage you to do.

Pull up a map of the world on Google (or click here for one I found).  Point out every place you’ve been in the world for leisure, pleasure, vacation, business for several days, and/or exploration – (just being there in the airport for several hours doesn’t count). Count how many places you’ve been; happy with that number?  Most of us aren’t.  Everyone always says how much they’d love to travel the world and meet new people, experience new things and so on.  Then make some adjustments to your life and do it!  Why do we do so much of what we don’t like and don’t do so much of what we like?! Traveling is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.

Traveling offers a kind of learning that goes beyond the classroom or boardroom.  It stimulate your mind, as well as awakens your soul.  It literally helps make this world make a little more sense.  It clears the fog to some answers and creates more questions.  I’m not trying to get in-depth on you here, but I’ve learned this first hand from my travels to Mexico, Canada, Spain, France, Italy, Netherlands, and of course Iran.

Perspective

One of my best friends just got back from his 3-week vacation to Southeast Asia; Thailand, Hong Kong, Beijing, & a few other smaller cities. His mindset, horizons, expectations, and views on the world – all changed for the better.  He wrote a note on Facebook about his travels and I wanted to share a little because it’s vital that we learn from other people’s experiences.  His name is Ali; he is hands down one of the smartest and most driven people I’ve ever met.  Here’s a little glimpse into what he experienced from his travels:

“I recently had the privilege of traveling Southeast Asia with my younger bro, Amir.  I was able to meet new people, experience new culture, and learn new things that add tremendous value to my life.  This trip opened my eyes to the Eastern part of the world and re-humbled me in a personal sense that will last a lifetime.

As Americans, we truly are fortunate to grow up and live in the United States.  Our access to liberties and opportunities are unmatched in the world, yet they can so easily be taken for granted.  Something as simple as owning a car, a luxury that most of the world is not able to have.  In Beijing, they have a lottery system – for those that can actually afford a car, their chances in getting one are 1 in 60.  Or our big elaborate houses, which we work so hard to pay for and lounge in…while many Thai families can live in a 300 sq.ft. bungalow, which they also use as a restaurant for visiting tourists…”

Aren’t you a little more thankful for having an opportunity to have a car?  He also told me something that made me think how different yet efficient other culture’s can be.  He told me he was walking around in downtown Hong Kong and saw a few people walking around with little white face-masks that covered their mouths (similar to the ones that painters or surgeons wear) – he asked his brother (that’s been living in China for 1 year), if they were wearing those masks because they didn’t want to get sick from other people; his brother’s answer; “No, actually the opposite.  People wear those little masks because they themselves are sick, and don’t want to get anyone else sick.”  I don’t know about you, but that sh*t blew my mind! Lol. How smart is that?! This is something so little and so normal in their culture that makes so much sense.  What do you think we would think if we saw a person in America walking around with a little mask over their mouth – weird? Crazy? “Special?” It’s unbelievable how much we can learn from traveling.  We can hear stories and watch the travel channel all we want, but there’s nothing like experincing it ourselves.  Traveling is one of the only things that allows every single one of your senses open up to the present moment.

Please do yourself a favor and take a vacation within the next 6 months.  Even for a weekend – just make sure it’s somewhere completely different.  Do you really not have the time or the money?  If not, what does that say about your lifestyle?  Perhaps re-evaluate your life and what’s important; are you handcuffed to your career? Does money hold the whip?  Traveling plays a big part in personal-development; from beginning to end, you cannot not learn! It’s impossible.  For those of you that have traveled and understand that it’s true treasure, it’s our role to inspire others to experience this unmatched experience.  In Ali’s words, “You may learn that you enjoy these new experiences.  You may learn that you hate them.  You may find inspiration to live and work for a greater cause.  Or, you may learn that you love your home and are even more grateful for it than ever before.  But most of all… you will learn something.”

Safe Travels!

Hemad

Are you just a drop in the Ocean?

I read a quote, that led to a thought, that led to a post.

“You are not a drop in the ocean; you are the entire ocean in a drop.”

The famous poet, Rumi, said this. It’s one of my favorite thoughts. More and more I’m realizing that much of life’s gold lives at the intersection of contrasting thoughts.

The idea that we are all small and insignificant is one I believe in. Our existence in this world lasts only for a short lifetime, and being just one of 7+ billion people on this planet – we are indeed just a drop in the ocean.

The idea that each and every one of us is a unique, all-encompassing universe is also true. Each of us is a breathing and thinking miracle, conducting this complex symphony that we call “self” every single day – we are absolutely an entire ocean in just one drop.

I think you’re in good shape if you can hold these opposing thoughts in your mind at once, and in even better shape if you can lean-in and draw from the appropriate one when you need it. Remembering you are small when you’re acting too big, and becoming big when you think you’re too small – these are the seemingly little, but significant shifts in perspective that I think make a big difference in one’s decisions, and ultimately life. Carry these two opposing, but true thoughts with you this year and use them as wisely. Happy New Year!